Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Ballroom Dance Lessons, Marriage Therapy, Same thing


Happy Wives Club


Mark and I just finished the Ballroom Dance lessons that I signed us up for without really asking. Our 14 year old son took them with us. The class was taught by a friends of ours and was made up of homeschooled teens and a few married couples. I love to dance and have fond memories of dancing to big band records with my dad in our living room when I was young.   Mark, not so much. But still, since our middle son is getting married this summer, he was a good sport and figured it might be good to have a couple of smooth moves to show off on the wedding dance floor.

 In seven 2-hour lessons, we learned the foxtrot, waltz, cha cha, East Coast swing, and Virginia Reel, as well as dance floor management and etiquette.  We also learned a few other things.

I will follow, but only if I think he is "doing it right".  Otherwise I will boss and complain.

I won't follow if he isn't leading strongly enough.   What am I, a mind reader?

It is important for the man to keep a strong frame, and for the lady to offer resistance so he can direct her.  Well, finally something I'm good at!

Our friends who were helping teach the class laughed at with us, sharing that they had experienced similar challenges as beginning dancers, and suggesting that ballroom dance class was good marriage therapy. 


Theme song:  Where You Lead, I Will Follow  (and I love Carole King)


 

Monday, April 15, 2013

Series: Why You Should Care About Common Core Standards, part III

I promise I'll post about other topics soon, but I'm just finding more and more info about the Common Core Standards, as well as CScope(TX) and other info about the radicalization of public education. I have to share. This is an informative video of an interview with Will Estrada of Home School Legal Defense Association about Common Core and what it will mean to all of us, whether our kids are in public school, private school, or homeschool.'



 

Series: Why You Should Care About Common Core Standards; part II

Tina Hollenbeck is a homeschool mom, speaker, writer, and advocate.  She is also a vocal opponent of Common Core Standards, and has written a really good blog post outlining her objections.  I agree with her 100%.   Common Core Standards are NOT state-led initiatives, no matter what spin it is given. There is big money from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation in developing and pushing these standards, and big muscle coming from the federal government tying acceptance of these standards to receipt of billions of dollars of federal grant money.  Even if you support the idea of standardized education, which I DO NOT, the way this has been developed and implemented is downright devious and I even believe, sinister.

"Common Core: What's the Big Deal?
http://tinahollenbeck.blogspot.com/2013/04/common-core-whats-big-deal.htmlhttp://tinahollenbeck.blogspot.com/2013/04/common-core-whats-big-deal.html




 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Series: Why You Should Care About Common Core Standards

You have probably heard of Common Core Standards, which are now being implemented in public schools all across this nation.  You might not have.  They kind of snuck up on us, unless you were paying attention to national education policy, and a lot of us are kind of busy with other stuff.  But the spotlight has recently been directed on these new federal curriculum mandates by the likes of Glenn BeckMichelle Malkin, Shane Vander Hart, and Diane Ravitch.   I am dumbfounded. I am (almost) speechless. I am angry.  If you are a believer in liberty, individualism, and the unique abilities and needs of children, then you will hate them too. I will start posting some of the information I discover here, but I encourage you to do some reading up on this.  Doesn't matter if you have kids in public school, private school or home school; kids are all grown; don't have kids. This is huge, invasive, and will effect EVERYTHING about the country we live in and its future.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2013/02/26/why-i-oppose-common-core-standards-ravitch/

Why I oppose Common Core standards: Ravitch

common-core21Education historian Diane Ravitch, the leading voice in the movement opposing corporate-based school reform, has for several years said she has no definitive opinion on the Common Core State Standards. Now she has come out against  them, in this post, which appeared today on her blog.
This is the third Common Core post I am publishing today.
By Diane Ravitch
I have thought long and hard about the Common Core State Standards.
I have decided that I cannot support them. In this post, I will explain why.
I have long advocated for voluntary national standards, believing that it would be helpful to states and districts to have general guidelines about what students should know and be able to do as they progress through school. Such standards, I believe, should be voluntary, not imposed by the federal government; before implemented widely, they should be thoroughly tested to see how they work in real classrooms; and they should be free of any mandates that tell teachers how to teach because there are many ways to be a good teacher, not just one.
I envision standards not as a demand for compliance by teachers, but as an aspiration defining what states and districts are expected to do. They should serve as a promise that schools will provide all students the opportunity and resources to learn reading and mathematics, the sciences, the arts, history, literature, civics, geography, and physical education, taught by well-qualified teachers, in schools led by experienced and competent educators.
​For the past two years, I have steadfastly insisted that I was neither for nor against the Common Core standards. I was agnostic. I wanted to see how they worked in practice. I wanted to know, based on evidence, whether or not they improve education and whether they reduce or increase the achievement gaps among different racial and ethnic groups.
After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I can’t wait five or ten years to find out whether test scores go up or down, whether or not schools improve, and whether the kids now far behind are worse off than they are today.
I have come to the conclusion that the Common Core standards effort is fundamentally flawed by the process with which they have been foisted upon the nation.
The Common Core standards have been adopted in 46 states and the District of Columbia without any field test. They are being imposed on the children of this nation despite the fact that no one has any idea how they will affect students, teachers, or schools. We are a nation of guinea pigs, almost all trying an unknown new program at the same time.
Maybe the standards will be great. Maybe they will be a disaster. Maybe they will improve achievement. Maybe they will widen the achievement gaps between haves and have-nots. Maybe they will cause the children who now struggle to give up altogether. Would the Federal Drug Administration approve the use of a drug with no trials, no concern for possible harm or unintended consequences?
President Obama and Education Secretary Arne Duncan often say that the Common Core standards were developed by the states and voluntarily adopted by them. This is not true. They were developed by an organization called Achieve and the National Governors Association, both of which were generously funded by the Gates Foundation. There was minimal public engagement in the development of the Common Core.
Their creation was neither grassroots nor did it emanate from the states. ​In fact, it was well understood by states that they would not be eligible for Race to the Top funding ($4.35 billion) unless they adopted the Common Core standards. Federal law prohibits the U.S. Department of Education from prescribing any curriculum, but in this case the Department figured out a clever way to evade the letter of the law. Forty-six states and the District of Columbia signed on, not because the Common Core standards were better than their own, but because they wanted a share of the federal cash. In some cases, the Common Core standards really were better than the state standards, but in Massachusetts, for example, the state standards were superior and well tested but were ditched anyway and replaced with the Common Core.
The former Texas state commissioner of education, Robert Scott, has stated for the record that he was urged to adopt the Common Core standards before they were written.
The flap over fiction vs. informational text further undermined my confidence in the standards. There is no reason for national standards to tell teachers what percentage of their time should be devoted to literature or information. Both can develop the ability to think critically. The claim that the writers of the standards picked their arbitrary ratios because NAEP has similar ratios makes no sense. NAEP gives specifications to test-developers, not to classroom teachers.
I must say too that it was offensive when Joel Klein and Condoleeza Rice issued a report declaring that our nation’s public schools were so terrible that they were a “very grave threat to our national security.” Their antidote to this allegedly desperate situation: the untried Common Core standards plus charters and vouchers.
Another reason I question the Common Core standards is that I am worried that they will cause a precipitous decline in test scores, based on arbitrary cut scores, and this will have a disparate impact on students who are English language learners, students with disabilities, and students who are poor and low-performing. A principal in the Mid-West told me that his school piloted the Common Core assessments and the failure rate rocketed upwards, especially among the students with the highest needs. He said the exams looked like AP exams and were beyond the reach of many students.
When Kentucky piloted the Common Core, proficiency rates dropped by 30 percent. The Chancellor of the New York Board of Regents has already warned that the state should expect a sharp drop in test scores. What is the purpose of raising the bar so high that many more students fail?
Rick Hess opined that reformers were confident that the Common Core would cause so much dissatisfaction among suburban parents that they would flee their public schools and embrace the reformers’ ideas (charters and vouchers). Rick was appropriately doubtful that suburban parents could be frightened so easily.
Jeb Bush, at a conference of business leaders, confidently predicted that the high failure rates sure to be caused by Common Core would bring about “a rude awakening.” Why so much glee at the prospect of higher failure rates?. I recently asked a friend who is a strong supporter of the standards why he was so confident that the standards would succeed, absent any real-world validation. His answer: “People I trust say so.” That’s not good enough for me.
Now that David Coleman, the co-lead author of the Common Core standards, has become president of the College Board, we can expect that the SAT will be aligned to the standards. No one will escape their reach, whether they attend public or private school.
Is there not something unseemly about placing the fate and the future of American education in the hands of one man?
I hope for the sake of the nation that the Common Core standards are great and wonderful. I wish they were voluntary, not mandatory. I wish we knew more about how they will affect our most vulnerable students. But since I do not know the answer to any of the questions that trouble me, I cannot support the Common Core standards.
I will continue to watch and listen. While I cannot support the Common Core standards, I will remain open to new evidence. If the standards help kids, I will say so. If they hurt them, I will say so. I will listen to their advocates and to their critics. I will encourage my allies to think critically about the standards, to pay attention to how they affect students, and to insist, at least, that they do no harm.



Monday, January 28, 2013

Always Something to Learn - Be My Valentine Marriage Challenge

 

“Each week the challenge will be the same – to praise, encourage, inspire, admire, build up, thank and appreciate your husband. But each week I will give you different ways to express your praise."

As a parent and homeschool mom, learning is very important to me. I stress the importance of "life-long learning", not just learning something for a test and not just confining learning to the few hours and years we designate as "school".   I preach to my children and to the homeschool moms I mentor the importance of developing a "lifestyle of learning" and of learning HOW TO LEARN, first and foremost.  Then you are prepared to tackle whatever challenges life throws at you!  My goal has always been to help my children "build a toolbox" of knowledge and skills, not just so we can check things off the list on our way to a high school transcript, but so they are prepared to enter the adult world and continue to learn and adapt and change and grow....

So.

I have been married for 30 years. About a year ago I came to the stunning conclusion that I had not applied this philosophy to one very important area of my life.  My marriage.  Yes, I had read articles and listened to sermons and speakers from time to time on the importance of working on the marriage relationship and not taking it for granted. I thought I was doing a decent job at being a loving and dutiful wife. 
Yeah, I am a terrible housekeeper, but he doesn't complain, until there is no clean underwear in his drawer, and then he usually goes out and buys another package anyway.   
Yeah, I am awfully forgetful and oftentimes the things he asks of me go in one ear and out the other. (I am over age 50 and I swear, my short-term memory is like a sieve!)  
Yeah, I don't look much like the girl he married when we were both 22, but he still loves me, and losing weight and getting in shape is SO HARD.  Who has time for that?

We were both busy with our various responsibilities, both within our household and outside of it.  Division of labor.  I cook, shop, take care of the housework and the kids. He works, pays the bills, keeps up the car and house maintenance. I started and continue to be a leader in a local homeschool support association, volunteered at church, teach classes from time to time, and bake cupcakes.   He coached the kids in sports,  helped with the Boy Scout troop, and now directs the homeschool sports program.  The problem was, this division of labor set us on a path of "parallel lives", instead of "intertwined lives".   It wasn't something apparent to an outside observer; heck, we didn't even really have a clue that what we were doing was in any way damaging our relationship. But emotionally, a chasm was forming that grew wider. And wider. And wider.   



It takes some serious effort to bridge a gap like that after it forms.  It takes deliberate and purposeful and concentrated effort.  But in order to honor the vows taken before God and man, that we take our spouse " to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part", it is essential to make the time and to be a  LEARNER.  That's right.  A good marriage doesn't just happen, and there is plenty for me to learn about how to be a better wife to my husband.  The benefit is not just to him, but to me as well, since I intend to live with this man for a long, long time still!



SO, to get back to the "Be My Valentine" Marriage Challenge linked at the top of this post... this is from one of the many wonderful, godly marriage-centered blogs out there where I have discovered encouragement and inspiration in this endeavor.  This particular challenge encourages wives to heap praise on their men, since that is one of the universal needs of the male species.  God made them that way for a reason, so who am I to complain?  

“When you touch your husband’s deepest need something good almost always happens!”
~ Dr. Emerson Eggerich
 
 Funny story - last week I wrote a simple line on my Facebook status, saying that I loved my husband and thanking him for being a wonderful husband and father. One of his friends immediately called him and accused him of hacking my Facebook.
Hmm.  Guess I need to do things like that more often so they aren't such a SHOCK. 

This week, the "Be My Valentine" Challenge is Creative Praise - being creative in showing him how much I love him. 
Here are ideas that I've gleaned from other people ( I haven't done these yet )
  • create a daily scavenger hunt of love notes hidden in different places where your hubby will find them
  • write a love message on the driveway with sidewalk chalk 
  • hole punch and clip together 26 blank index cards, then make an Alphabet Book of things you love about him.
  • blow up balloons and attach a loving message to each one; have them fill your bedroom :- )
  • sticky note or shaving cream messages on the bathroom mirror
  • use window paint to draw your initials inside a heart on his car window, along with adjectives describing him, like "Strong", "Sweet", "Kind", "Handsome"....
  • make him lunches this week ( if you don't usually do that ) and include a love note in each one




Monday, January 21, 2013

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

My teen son said something this morning that troubled me.  When I mentioned that his Spanish class wasn't meeting today in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, he said, "But nobody in that class is black."

I don't know where that perception came from.  I don't make a big deal out of every holiday, but we do acknowledge most holidays even as we go about our normal routines, and try to learn something about their origins, purpose, etc. The idea that MLKJr. Day  is only for black people didn't come from me.  But I will make darn sure that we talk about it today.

Here are a few resources that you can use in your homeschool,  or just to learn for learning's sake.

short biography of MLKJr.
http://afroamhistory.about.com/od/biographies/a/A-Biography-Of-Martin-Luther-King-Jr.htm

Videos on History.com 
http://www.history.com/topics/martin-luther-king-jr/videos#history-of-the-holidays-martin-luther-king-jr-day

Printable activities for elementary & middle school students
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/history/us/MLK/

free printable Unit Study
http://www.thehomeschoolmom.com/schoolroom/unit_studies/martinlutherkingjr_unit_study.php#sthash.muhT0wKS.dpbs

Numerous links from Easy Fun School
http://www.easyfunschool.com/Martin-Luther-King-Jr.html

Martin Luther King Jr. Lapbook
http://heartofwisdom.com/images/MartinLutherKingJrlapbook.pdf

Famous MLKJr. quotes:  cursive copywork pages
http://homegrownlearners.squarespace.com/storage/MartinLutherKingJrcopywork.pdf

Martin Luther King Jr. quotes
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/martin_luther_king_jr.html

"I Have a Dream" speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smEqnnklfYs
http://www.montgomerycollege.edu/Departments/hpolscrv/mendes1.html
http://www.amazon.com/I-Have-Dream-Book-CD/dp/0375858873/ref=pd_sim_b_18














You Are the Peanut to my Butter

  

My husband and I may be polar opposites in some ways, but we also complete each other.
I love you, M.H.
 

Join the "Be My Valentine" Marriage Challenge.
http://womenlivingwell.org/2013/01/be-my-valentine-marriage-challenge/


Sunday, January 20, 2013

Working On Marriage

Well, I'm sorry. Apparently I lied when I said the hiatus was over. Let's try again.

This past year I have spent a great deal of time thinking about how to improve my marriage. To be perfectly honest, after 30 years together we had gotten complacent and distant. After hearing Heidi St. John speak at last year's NCHE Homeschool Conference, I realized we were living parallel lives instead of intertwined ones, and I resolved to do something to remedy that.  I started reading marriage blogs, books, and articles, and really praying about how to breathe some life into our relationship.  It is rather hard to get a boulder rolling again once forward momentum is lost, but effort and perseverance go a long way in getting things going.  It doesn't happen quickly.  But there is movement in the right direction, so I am encouraged.

Here are some of the resources I have discovered that are giving me encouragement and ideas for breathing fresh life into our marriage.

Happy Wives Club








Why spend time reading things like this? I think sometimes when we cry out to God about something that troubles us, he gently directs us to resources that have been created by others whose hearts have been in the same state as ours. And the result is blessing and renewal. 

Stay tuned for a post about our Valentine's Day project,  MISSION:DATE NIGHT.



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Back From Hiatus

I have taken a bit of a hiatus from my blog this fall. I can't say that I've been busier than ever; just a different kind of busy. I have one child that I'm still homeschooling and we've both been adjusting to a high school schedule with more outside classes and more expectations. My recent college graduate has a good job as a computer IT guy with Glass House and is living at home for the time being, along with one of his friends who has been calling our house home for the past several months. The house isn't as empty as I thought it would be when both daughters left in August, one for a new job with Samaritan's Purse in Boone and the other to start college at ECU.  The boys do appreciate my homecooking, so I am spending more time on meals and keeping food in the house. And the girls do make an appearance every once in a while, sometimes bringing friends home with them. It's funny; I once really wanted to pursue adoption but it became evident that our family was not called to that.  But now I feel like surrogate mom to a whole bunch of young adults, which I really love. Just a different kind of season.

Anyway, I put the blog aside for a brief time, partly because I still struggle with what this is - a diary, an encouragement to homeschoolers, a family scrapbook.  I am drawn back to it though, because right now it is still all those things. I like looking back through the record of our family activities, I like to have a place to brain-dump occasionally about whatever is going on around me, and I pretty regularly get comments about my homeschooling posts and the encouragement that they bring.   So I guess I should carry on as is for now.


Back to my Thanksgiving preparations.  My two oldest arrive tomorrow and all 7 of us will be here for Thanksgiving weekend. Hallelujah!  I have a couple of cupcake orders for tomorrow, and I have pies, dinner rolls, casseroles, dips, stuffing, etc to prepare, as well as some more cleaning to do. GAH!  I love it.

Blessings,

 

Sunday, September 9, 2012

An Award or a Kick in the Pants

It seems to me that if a friend nominates your blog for an Award, you should actually write something more than once every couple of months!! I think this is the longest I have let this blog go... it was not entirely intentional, but the more I didn't write, the more I didn't know how to start up again. You know? There comes a time when you really can't "catch up", so you just have to cut the losses and start where you are. So here I go.

So where am I? Well, summer is over. ( what? how? but I didn't.... ) We are "back in school". J's schedule kicks in full-gear this week with the commencement of Spanish and Guitar. That is in addition to
  • Tapestry of Grace ( Year 2 ) for history/geography/literature
  • Adv. Winston Grammar
  • Public Speaking
  • Write Shop
  • Teaching Textbooks Algebra I
  • Apologia Physical Science 
  • basketball 
Amanda is a freshman at ECU ( Eastern Carolina University ).  She isn't having fun yet.

Alex is back in the USA; finishing up his last week of Army "work" before he starts terminal leave leading up to his exit from the US Army in November.  He is still in TX and will begin job-hunting from there.

Eric started an IT job with Glass House Technologies in Cary. He is living at home for the time being, so he and J have gotten in some good "brother bonding"  over video games, lifting weights, and playing basketball lately.

Sarah has just arrived back home after her summer stint as Production Editor at Spring Hill Camps in Evart, MI.  She is "in between employment" again, and spending lots of time on the computer searching job sites and filling out applications.

I have decided that unmarried adult children require just as much energy as young kids, however it is emotional energy instead of physical energy.

We took our annual trip to Massachusetts at the end of July, to visit with family, and everyone but Eric was able to make the trip. That was Won.Der.Ful!!  We took an overnight  jaunt up to  Freeport, ME with my parents and siblings. And attended our 35th year high school reunion ( Mark and I graduated in the same H.S. class - and we were class of '78, but joined the class in front of us for the reunion - small school )

Mark and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary in Asheville, NC last weekend, and had a wonderful time exploring the Biltmore Estate and downtown Asheville shops.   I could definitely live in the mountains.  Definitely.

Here are few pics from the summer.  And about that Award? That will be my next post.

getting Lobster Rolls in Maine


 Seesters!  at Grammy & Grampa's house

Biltmore Estate, Asheville, NC

Counselor and CIT at New Life Camp

at Victoria Station Cafe, Putnam, CT 

Banana Split Cupcakes



Friday, July 20, 2012

Babies Don't Keep

I do calligraphy, and made this many years ago as a reminder. It sits on the hutch in my kitchen and is still a reminder, but now of my lack of regret over time spent with my babies as they grew up.






 

Saturday, July 7, 2012

HOMESCHOOL 101

If you are a new homeschooler, one thing you’ll soon realize is that homeschool parents learn as much, if not more, than their kids do! This is new territory for most of us, and in addition to brushing up on grammar rules, the Magna Carta, and photosynthesis, we find ourselves searching out information on learning styles, organizational methods, parenting skills, discipleship, and family health. Added to the titles of Mom/Dad, Teacher, Counselor, Coach, Chauffeur, Nurse, Cook, Wife/Husband is the title of… Student!

As a Student of Homeschooling, you have some homework to do. The more time and effort you put into this, the better your “grade” will be.



 1. First of all, spend time with God, in prayer and in His Word, every day. Keep a notebook close by, and jot down praises and petitions, scripture, and any special insight that comes to you during this time. This is your anchor, your firm foundation - whether your day is calm or chaotic. Pray for wisdom and discernment. Pray for physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. Count your blessings. Homeschooling parents should have callouses on their knees!

2. Be a learner! Always be reading at least one book on homeschooling or parenting or Christian life – even just a few pages a day. The public library has lots to choose from. Go to homeschool workshops and seminars. There are hundreds of homeschool websites, articles, and blogs online – enough to give you fresh ideas and insight and inspiration every day of the year!
http://www.homeschool.com/articles/top100-2010/default.asp 
http://fivejs.com/summer-reading-list-for-homeschool-moms/


3. Find Titus 2 women. These are the more experienced homeschoolers in your support group, church, family –learn from them. Don’t be a Lone Ranger ! Attend support group meetings and workshops. Join a mentor group. Visit online homeschooling forums. You’ll find that there really isn’t anything new under the sun … The encouragement and support of others will be invaluable to you in this endeavor, and nobody can really understand like another homeschooler. Not only will God bring people into your life to bless and encourage you, but you will be able to bless and encourage others as well! This is the power of community.
http://www.thehomeschoollounge.com/
http://nche.com/regions

4. Become a student of your children! Learn about each of them – their strengths, their weaknesses, their dreams, their fears, their likes, their dislikes. Homeschooling is not just about teaching academics, but also about helping your child develop godly character, grow strong and healthy in body and mind, and nurture his or her unique talents and abilities. Write out goals for each child in the areas of academic, spiritual, emotional, and physical growth.

5. Make your home a child-friendly learning environment! Take an honest look around. Is your home a cluttered, disorganized mess? Is it so neat and “perfect” that it could be featured in a magazine, but not really welcome exploration, discovery and creativity by a 10-year-old? It is not necessary to turn your home into a “school” – you are, after all, a family. But there are some things you can do to make your home a COOL place to learn. If you need to declutter and organize your home, check out FlyLady.net or OrganizedHome.com for help. Your kids will need a comfortable place to curl up with books, and a table or desk at which to write or color or do a puzzle or science project. Baskets, plastic crates, or cloth bins can hold a child’s school materials and supplies. Dedicate a wall, bulletin board or the refrigerator as a display place for your children’s special work. Hang up a time line or a white board. A little at a time, invest in things like bookshelves; computers; art supplies; a globe; good resource books like a dictionary, thesaurus, world atlas, field guides and writing handbook; good children’s magazines like Discover or Cricket or Nature Friend; educational games and DVDs ; maps; a copy machine; a magnifying glass, binoculars, telescope, microscope ; musical instruments ….

Whatever will encourage your children to explore the world, stretch their imaginations, dig deeper, develop their talents, and become lifelong learners! Put limits on “fluff entertainment” like tv shows,  movies, , computer games so that your children will learn to use their imaginations and explore the world beyond the “screen”.
 http://www.design-your-homeschool.com/homeschooling-supplies.html 



6. LAUGH. Enjoy your children and the time you have with them. Delight in their accomplishments and antics. Join in their games and activities. Develop a sense of humor, tell jokes, be silly. There is a time to be serious, but also a time to be lighthearted. This will do wonders to knit your family together and create treasured memories.
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/humor/Homeschooling.htm

http://www.familymanweb.com/cartoons  


7. Make your spouse and your marriage a top priority. There is a danger in homeschooling families for things to get out of balance and become totally child-centered. As much as we love our children and are dedicated to providing everything we can for them, we must not forget that they also NEED a mom and dad who love each other and are a strong team. This takes work. Be creative. Make a commitment to spend time alone together every week, talking about and enjoying life TOGETHER. Invest in your relationship and build a stronger family because of it. Family Life and Focus on the Family are two great Christian organizations that offer a variety of resources for this.
 www.familylife.com 
www.family.org 
http://www.heidistjohn.com/site/pages/author/guide-to-romance.php




 

Mommy Help : The Weekly "Captain"

Life with 5 children is .... well, lively! My kids squabbled about typical things like who gets to sit in which seat of the van, who gets to bring in the mail, who gets to set the table ( okay, not so much that one ). I don't remember if I read it in a magazine or heard it from a friend, but a brilliant solution to this was assigning a weekly "Captain". Starting with the oldest child and working our way down, each Monday began a new week for the "Captain", and that child got certain privileges ( choosing their seat in the van - usually the front, bringing in the mail, picking the movie to watch ) and certain responsibilities ( setting the dinner table, feeding the dog ). Additional ranks, with their own perks and assignments, can be assigned to siblings, moving down the birth order. Once established, my kids never questioned the rights of the "captain", since they knew that their turn was coming.


 

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Long Marriages - A Counter-Cultural Legacy

Mark and I will celebrate our 30th Wedding Anniversary this summer. Since I got married on my 22nd birthday, I have spent a significantly larger portion of my life married to this man than not.

I, Beth, take you, Mark, to be my husband, ....

It hasn't always been easy.  Does this surprise anyone out there who is actually married?  The idea of marriage is romantic and wonderful and exciting and fulfilling, and the reality of marriage is that it is those things due to extremely HARD WORK.  But what worthwhile thing is not the result of hard work?  To quote one of my husband's favorite movie lines from "A League of Their Own",
 "It's supposed to be hard. 
If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it.
The hard... is what makes it great. "

...to have and to hold from this day forward,...

 One of the speakers at this year's NCHE Homeschool Conference did two sessions on marriage, and the importance of making this relationship a priority, for both our and our children's sakes!  The speaker, Heidi St. John, shared how her extended family was full of a legacy of divorce -  parents, siblings, cousins. I realized that my family's legacy is very different than that.

... for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,...

My extended family is full of long marriages.  So is Mark's.  My parents have been married for 53 years. Mark's dad passed away almost 10 years ago, still in love with the wife of his youth.  Mark's siblings have all been married for more than 20 years.  My siblings waited longer to get married, but my sister and brother have both been married for over 10 years, and my youngest brother gave up bachelorhood just a year ago and is now happily esconced in wedded life. All of my aunts and uncles have had long marriages to one life-partner, and all but one of my cousins.
I don't think we realize what an amazing thing this is.

...in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,...

The actual statistics related to marriage and divorce rates in this country are murky, but it is undeniable that the statistics are pretty dismal and that broken marriages and families are all around us. Divorce is in the church and in the homeschool community just like everywhere else.  Statistics aren't so murky in pointing out the effects of divorce on children and on communities. We are surrounded by brokenness and bitterness and resentment and loneliness and fatalism.  The institution of marriage is often attacked and berated as society grapples with the fall-out of generations that didn't honor their word or put others first, or more importantly, respect God's Word. 

My prayer is that my children appreciate and embrace this counter-cultural legacy, and realize what a treasure they have there.  It won't make their own marriages any easier, but hopefully will give them a vision for what it means to make a commitment to somebody for the rest of your life. You take the good with the bad, the ups with the downs, and you fight and work for what is worthwhile.  The wedding vows we made were a promise, our word before God and family and friends. And thirty years down the road, they still hold us together.


...from this day forward, until death do us part.






 

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Back from Deployment and Getting Out

He's back. My son is back from his 2nd and last deployment with the Army. He spent the last year in Iraq and then Kuwait, and this week he returned to Fort Hood, TX. In a few short months, he will be done with the Army, having finished his 4 year commitment, serving his country bravely and proudly. His mama couldn't be more proud and yes, relieved. Now he will be looking for a civilian job and I'm praying for something closer to home.