Homeschool Moms' Retreat

Last Saturday was our 1st annual Lighthouse Moms' Retreat at the beach!  Two dear ladies, Michele and Ingrid, planned and hosted the one day event for 11 of us at a beach house on Topsail Island, about 2 ½ hours from Raleigh.   A few of us decided to go down the night before and stay at a motel on the beach, to make it a bit more of a getaway, and allow us to arrive by the start time of 8:30am without having to wake before the sun!  It was a wonderful day of fellowship with both old and new friends, glorious worship on the beach, encouragement from scripture, creative activities, good food, and emotional refreshment.

Ingrid reminded us that we are not just moms, wives, teachers, home managers, etc, but we are  daughters of the King, and beloved by him!   Our WORTH comes not from how well we teach spelling or clean the house or manage our budget, but our worth comes from the fact that we are God's creation and  his precious children.  Michele taught that our BEAUTY isn't measure by our weight or our haircolor,  our wardrobe or our words, but from our relationship with Jesus Christ.  This was a very good reminder for all of us women. 

Late September is a PERFECT time for a beach retreat!  The weather was gorgeous.

Ready and waiting for us to arrive!

almost there!

Singing along to praise songs and worshiping with scarves and flags on the beach!

We made all-natural skin care products from coconut oil, apple cider vinegar, honey, salt or brown sugar, cinnamon, probiotic powder...

We were a wonderful mix of brand new homeschool moms, seasoned homeschool moms, and even a couple of retired homeschool moms.  

One of our activities involved choosing 5 stones or shells and writing 5 words that the Lord was impressing on you to release or embrace.  Later, we had some time to do something creative involving those words, or even to just rest and meditate. I chose to spend that time with watercolor. 

Support Group Leadership - Mentors and Cupcakes

Mentor:  a guide, a coach, an experienced and trusted advisor.

Tuesday night was our "kick-off the new school year" monthly parent meeting, with over 100 people in attendance.  We have a large number of "seasoned" homeschool moms in our group, which is great news for new homeschoolers eager for mentors!   Mentoring homeschool moms happens to be one of my passions, and I am mentor coordinator for our group this year.  Having been in support group leadership for close to 20 years, I can say that we have tried many different approaches to homeschool mentoring, with varying degrees of success.  But recently we have found a few things that seem to be working especially well.

First, we just started using ASK ME badges for mentors/leaders at our monthly parent meetings.  We usually have 40-50 people at a monthly meeting, and some months, like last night, there can be over 100.  Everyone prints themselves a name tag at the check-in desk when they arrive, but it is hard for people to tell who are the experienced homeschoolers/leaders. So now, mentors and leaders at the meeting will wear a bright red ASK ME badge in addition to their name tag.


We are also changing the way that we do seating at a meeting. Rather than rows of chairs facing the front of the room, next month we are going to start setting up the room with rectangular tables and chairs.  Each table will have 6-8 chairs and a mentor/hostess, who will be wearing her ASK ME badge, and will facilitate introductions among the people sitting at her table.The hostess might choose to bring a favor for all the people at her table -  a new pencil, some candy kisses, a bookmark.  Some mentors will be specific to the meeting topic that month. For example, when the topic is Teaching Your Challenging Child, we'll have several mentors who have children with special needs or learning disabilities. Our group has over 300 member families,  so there is a large pool of people to draw from. While we haven't done this yet, we are very excited about this change, and the potential for our members to make connections at these monthly meetings.

For a couple of years now, we have devoted one monthly meeting each year to "Speed Mentoring".
This has become a very popular meeting! “Speed Mentoring allows veteran homeschoolers to connect with new homeschoolers who are overwhelmed with questions about anything (or everything!) related to home education. The “mentor” doesn’t need to be an expert in homeschooling—she simply shares from her experience. New parents ask their question(s) in a one-on-one setting, then, after an allotted time, a whistle blows, and they move to the next mentor to either ask the same question(s) or shift to another topic. This makes a fun, lively, interactive support group meeting " [Speed Mentoring,  HSLDA.org]    Sending out mentor bios along with a list of possible questions ahead of time helps things to run smoothly at the meeting. We have found that our members are most happy when meetings involve time for social interaction. As much as we love that we get to spend each day with our children, we moms also really enjoy the chance to hang out with adults from time to time!  And we homeschool moms are really interesting people to hang out with!

A couple of years ago we invited amazing homeschool mom Vickie Bentley to come speak  at our support group meeting, and as a result discovered her Home Education 101 Mentor Manual and Parent Workbook.

This is a fantastic tool for mentors to use either one on one or in a group setting, to cover basic information that is important for giving new homeschoolers a solid foundation as they begin their homeschool journey.  There are 9 chapters, covering Beginning the Journey, Choosing Curriculum, Organizing Your Time, Learning & Teaching Styles, Getting Dinner on the Table, Testing & Evaluations, Teaching Tips, Organizing Your Home, and Lessons Learned.  The manual includes information for the mentor to share, but also give spaces for adding in your own experiences as well as information specific to your state laws, etc.  There is an accompanying Parent Workbook that contains reprints of some information from the manual, but also blanks spaces in which to take notes from what your mentor is sharing.  Right now we have 4 small groups forming, for moms who have homeschooled for 0-3 years  - 3 groups will meet weekly for 8 weeks in a row, the 4th will be an all-day Saturday crash course!  I asked for testimonials from past Home Education 101 participants. Here are some things they had to say:

 "At the beginning of my second year of homeschooling, with much encouragement from a friend, I reluctantly signed up to be in a mentor group.  It wasn't that I didn't think I needed it, I just didn't want to add another thing to my calendar.  I went that first night not sure of what it would be like and if it would even benefit me.  I quickly learned that it would be a turning point for me in my homeschool years.  ...  God used several things over the course of that year to confirm that He wanted me to homeschool, but I credit the mentor group for bringing joy and grace back into our school.  I would HIGHLY recommend joining a mentor group, even if you don't think you can add another thing to your calendar :)  "

"Our group met twice a month.  We sat with our mentor around the table and went over all the basics – from curriculum choices to finding your child’s learning style to making the most of your daily schedule.  In addition to practical advice, I received support and encouragement from all the fabulous ladies who came – and there were even cupcakes!  My mentoring group helped me hang on when I felt like giving up, and I’m so glad I did!  I received valuable tips on working with my son.  I learned how to schedule our day more efficiently.  And I met other moms who also had messy houses! "

"I decided to homeschool only a few weeks before the school year started in 2013 and I was so unsure about ... everything.  Having a seasoned homeschool mom ... to encourage us, and teach us, and cheer us on was invaluable.  I loved that we could talk about marriage, meal planning, cleaning (or not), and how homeschooling affects every part of our lives as moms and wives.  I left every meeting renewed and encouraged.... Should I mention the cupcakes? " 

 Which brings us to the topic of cupcakes.   Several years ago I developed my cupcake baking skills in order to help my daughter raise money for a missions trip, and it has become my hobby, to the point that in certain circles I am known as "the cupcake lady".   These are made-from-scratch gourmet cupcakes, and I have a list of over 50 flavors that I have tried.  I started bringing cupcakes for the refreshment table at our monthly meetings, to our monthly leaders meetings, and to my mentor group meetings.  You know what? There is just something about home-baked goodies that makes people feel loved!  Store-bought cookies and bags of chips do not invoke the same reaction as a yummy treat lovingly prepared in someone's own kitchen!  Neither do veggie trays.  And if some of those treats are prepared with gluten-free ingredients, you will have the undying affection of those in your group who rarely get to indulge in the goodies at the end of the meeting.  Note the reaction of one of our new members when I posted in our Facebook group that I was bringing gluten-free cupcakes to the meeting because she mentioned it in passing." OMG NO YOU DIDN'T!!! You are AWESOME...I always go to the parties and never can indulge because of it... I will kiss you when I get there!!!!" Part of successful mentoring is developing a relationship of trust and acceptance, and cupcakes are amazingly good at breaking the ice and fostering good feelings.  Try it!

 

Not-So-Secret Secrets of Homeschool Support Group Success

I have been homeschooling for nearly 20 years.  Seventeen years ago,  two friends and I decided to start a new homeschool support group.  We had been part of a small group that didn't quite fit the needs of our families at the time.  We wanted to be part of a group that would be a source of encouragement for homeschool moms,  provide activities for our children, and provide a source for friendships for both!

We had 20 moms at our very first meeting, and the idea became a reality. Today this support group is made of just over 300 families, and is one of the strongest and most active groups in our area.  Here are a few things that I think have been instrumental to its success. 

Structure :  It would have been easy at the beginning, when it was just the 3 of us, to think that we didn't need any formal structure to the group. Why have By-laws and a leadership council for a small support group?  But we were given good advice  and so set up a structure for our group from the beginning which allowed us to distribute responsibilities, utilize the gifts and talents of our members, and grow without overburdening any one person.  Our group has a 7-member Leadership board consisting of a president, vice president, secretary, treasurer, membership coordinator, calendar/event coordinator, and hospitality coordinator. There are also "non-board leaders" who take on important roles in the support group such as librarian, yearbook editor, Iowa testing coordinator, webmaster, sports program director, etc.  When our group passed 200 families a couple of years ago, we added Advisors to help the Calendar/Events coordinator, and those Advisors helped in specific areas -  Academic Activities, Social Activities, Family Activities,  Field Trips, Teen Activities, Parent Support. Their job is to  help find activity coordinators, secure a facility if needed, offer advice in planning and carrying out the group activities, and also communicate monthly with the Leadership Board.  Structure is just one of the things that has led to longevity and growth for our support group.

August Parent Meeting

Focus on Encouragement and Relationships:   Why do people join support groups?  While field trips, park days, and spelling bees are all fun, encouragement is the most fundamental need that homeschool parents have. And although encouragement can be found in a book or magazine or website or blog, the best kind of encouragement comes from real people with whom we have real relationships - i.e. from friends!   Relationships are the glue that holds a support group together. With people all around us telling us we are crazy and probably ruining our kids, we NEED the moral support of others who have chosen the same path for their families. When we  have those days when we reach the end of our rope and declare the the kids are getting on that school bus TOMORROW, we need someone to call who can not only sympathize (because we've all been there), but can also offer guidance and suggestions to get us through the crisis, help us see the forest for the trees, and remind us of the reasons we are homeschooling in the first place.  Is your support group a place of support and encouragement?  Are there leaders or experienced homeschoolers available to answer questions or talk with a member who is struggling? Are there regular  meetings or gatherings where moms can talk, ask questions, share struggles, and celebrate victories? Some of the ways our support group offers encouragement is through monthly parent meetings, mentor groups, Facebook page, Yahoogroups email loop, Dads' breakfasts, informal rendezvous in the parking lot or at McDonalds after the monthly meeting, parent workshops, and park days. The format of our monthly meetings varies, and while sometimes we have a speaker or panel talking about a topic, other times we spend some or all of the time broken up into small circles with a leader/seasoned homeschooler in each circle to help facilitate discussions. In addition to encouragement, members are able to share experiences and glean from the wisdom of the older homeschool moms.

 New Homeschool Moms Brunch

Building up  New Leaders:  An integral part of support group leadership is identifying and building up new leaders.  Our Board positions are 2-year terms, with 3 or 4  Board members being replaced every year.   One benefit of this is that it is easier to ask someone to serve for 2 years, than to ask them to serve indefinitely! We also have numerous other leadership positions, which a person may hold for longer or shorter.  Keeping an eye out for active members who show a committment to homeschooling and a willingness to serve others is the beginning of building up new leaders.  First we ask these people to take on small jobs, and then larger ones with more responsibility, helping them along as needed.  We also look for those members with particular talents or abilities, such as accounting or graphic design or website design, and encourage them to contribute that talent to the group.  Leaders set the tone and promote unity in your group by focusing on what you all have in common, rather than on your differences.  They should be expected to set an example of wisdom, mercy, and humility.  All leaders are invited to a monthly leaders meeting, where support group business is discussed and relationships with the other leaders are built.  A day long "leaders retreat" is scheduled each June, for the purpose of making plans for the upcoming year but also for training new leaders and discussing the support group's mission, vision, and bylaws.


Vison:  Why do we homeschool?  Why do we have a support group?  What does our support group do?  What does it not do?  These are some of the questions that go into defining the vision of your support group.  Are you a co-op that provides academic enrichment classes? Are you a play group?  Are you focused on teens? On parent support and field trips?   Leaders should know the group's vision, mission, and purpose, and use those things to evaluate the direction of the group from time to time. Print it and hand it out to your members.  Put it on your website.  Add it to the bottom of your emails. 
Share the vision with your members often.

OUR VISION STATEMENT (why):
We believe God has given parents the authority and responsibility to direct the education of their children. Education includes the whole child - not only the mind, but also the heart, soul, and body. True education begins with a relationship with Jesus Christ.

OUR MISSION STATEMENT (what):
We are an association of homeschooling families and our purpose is to provide support and encouragement to one another in our homeschooling endeavor; to provide opportunities for our children to participate in large and small group activities for academic, social, and character-building purposes; to share information about local, state, and national happenings of interest to homeschool families.

Why Don't I Do That Anymore?

The guest speaker at our November Lighthouse homeschool group parent meeting was Vicki Bentley. Vicki homeschooled her 8 daughters as well as numerous foster children, led a large support group in VA, speaks at homeschool conventions all across the country, has authored several books, and now works for HSLDA as their Early Years program and Group Services coordinator.  We were blessed to have her visit us, and next time, will definitely have her stay longer, because she had great stuff to share with us!

Her topic was Time Management and Organization for homeschoolers - a timeless topic, as it is applicable to brand new homeschoolers as well as crusty veterans.  Listening to her tips and suggestions, as well as preparing for my mentor group meetings recently, has highlighted that there were a lot of things that I USED to do that I have somehow let slide as my children have grown up and life has changed in our household.  While it is natural that some things will change as we go through seasons of life, not all the things I have let slide have been good to let go!  I have found myself asking, "why don't I do that anymore?"

#1  Menu Planning
When I had 5 kids at home (and even 4, then 3), I planned our meals by the week, and sometimes by the month. It was a necessity, and eating out or even getting takeout pizza was a rarity.  I grocery shopped every week and made breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my family almost every day.  Now? I usually don't know what is for dinner until 5pm, when stomachs start to growl, and I realize I have to make a run to the grocery store. Way too often we eat out or get pizza, and I haven't made pancakes in a long time.  I have had a hard time adjusting from cooking for a large family to cooking for just 3 or 4, depending on who is home that night!  Not healthy. Not economical.  I need to start making a weekly menu again and shopping for the whole week at once! 

#2  Chore Schedule
We used to have chore charts. The kids had certain chores to do each day, before we started school.  I tried to follow the FlyLady plan somewhat, although never very successfully.  But at least the major things, like cleaning the bathroom, got done on a regular schedule.  Well, kids grew up and left home and their jobs had to be reassigned, or I just took them over.  And now.... it is kind of a "fly by the seat of my pants" instead of FlyLady approach.  I've never been great at structure and routine, to my detriment.  That definitely takes deliberate effort on my part, and sometimes I feel too worn out and overwhelmed to tackle it all.  Grr.  I KNOW that the solution is to simplify, both my belongings and my schedule.... but that is soooooo easier said than done.

#3  Community Service
Again, when my older kids were young, I placed a high priority on including community service in our schedule.  It wasn't a lot of hours, but we faithfully volunteered at the church food pantry one afternoon every month for many, many years.  We also visited the local nursing home with other families from our homeschool group a couple of times a year, both to bless the residents and also to help my children become comfortable  being around the elderly and infirm. But then schedules changed.  We started participating in a weekly co-op, which conflicts with the scheduled nursing home visits. The food pantry day conflicted with sports practices.  So those things fell by the wayside, and I now realize that my younger two have not had that same experience as their older siblings.  Yes, our family is very involved in serving the homeschool community through many, many hours devoted to  homeschool sports and support group leadership, but I'm not sure my children get the same impact from that.


How have you adjusted to changes in your family?
Are there things you have let slide that maybe should be embraced once again?

Myth Busters: Homeschool Edition! - Setting Priorities

The topic of our monthly homeschool support group meeting last month was "Myth Busters: Homeschool Edition", inspired by the Myth Busters television show and Todd Wilson's book, Lies Homeschool Moms Believe.

Our illustrious madame pres., Becky, who has very capably relieved me of my presidential duties this fall, created some great Power Point slides to introduce each Myth we addressed, complete with Todd Wilson's hilarious homeschool cartoons.



We talked about 4 Myths, or Lies that homeschool moms believe.

#1  Everybody else's kids are smarter and better behaved than mine.

#2 Everybody else has a cleaner house and serves better meals.

#3 Everybody else is more spiritual than I am.

#4  Everybody else can do it all and is more capable than I am.

A different mom tackled each myth, sharing about what their homeschool was like and how we all get caught in that same trap of comparing ourselves to others around us who we just KNOW are doing a better job than we are.

I talked about Myth #4.  As a veteran homeschooler with 4 graduates and as a support group leader, I know that I am sometimes put on that pedestal of "doing it all".  And just like Gena Suarez, homeschool mom of 6 and editor of The Old Schoolhouse magazine, relates in this article,  it just ain't so!

I may do a lot of things that you don't do.  But I'm certainly not doing "it all".   You see, we all make choices about where we will and will not spend our time and energy.  We also all have different temperaments, skills, callings, and tolerances. 

I have a friend who gets more done in a day than I do in a month - no lie.  She amazes me, and wears me out just hearing about her day.  She keeps a spotless house, has a speaking ministry, decorates to the hilt for every holiday, has grandchildren as well as a houseful of little adopted children, and paints her kitchen in the middle of the night after she irons everyone's shorts and tee shirts!

Another friend is homeschooling her youngest 2 out on a farm where she and her husband have been homesteading for the past 8 years.  She has a huge garden, cans hundreds of jars of gorgeous fruits and vegetables every harvest, is nurturing an orchard that they hope will provide retirement income someday, is active in overseas missions work as well as ministry at her church.

These two busy ladies are doing very different things  - neither is doing it all!  And neither of them is doing what I am doing. Or what you are doing.

Many years ago, I heard a speaker at a homeschool conference talk about setting priorities, and at the meeting I shared something that she taught us then. That is, make a list of What I Do and another list of What I Don't Do - and realize that life is about choices.

My list of What I Do includes

• homeschooling my 13 yr old son
• keeping up with my grown children and their needs
• serving in leadership of our homeschool association
• teaching history in a weekly Co-op
• hosting a monthly Geography Club for middle schoolers in my home
• leading a Mentor Group for new homeschool moms, and talking to many, many people about homeschooling through email and on the phone
• helping my husband in his role as director of our homeschool sports program
• chairing the homeschool prom committee
• serving on the homeschool graduation committee
• attending my son's sporting events
• baking cupcakes to help support my daughter in her ministry work
• clipping coupons and trying to figure out sales and ways to save money on our grocery bill
• blogging / facebook / 
• moderating our homeschool group's email loop
• cooking healthy meals for my family
• keep up with laundry and maintain at least a sanitary home
• attend church ; try to have a daily quiet time

My list of What I Do Not Do includes

• keeping a spotless house - heck, I don't even make my bed very often
• working outside the home
• gardening 
• scrapbooking
• home decorating
• teaching Sunday School
• attending Women's Bible Study or Women's Ministry events
• paying the bills ( my husband takes care of that, not me)
• painting, drawing, calligraphy - all of which I enjoy!
• singing in the choir or in church musicals
• sewing
• nature study, lots of hands on science experiments, big art projects
• lots of field trips
• shopping for fun
• exercise
• lots lots more.....

The point is, those things on my What I Do Not Do list are good things, things I would like to do, some are things I SHOULD do.  But the reality is, moving things from that list to the DO list will require a) giving something else up, or b) sleeping less, or c) becoming much more organized, which is not something that comes naturally to me AT ALL.

When you look at me and see the things I Do, you are not looking at the list of things I Do Not Do.  So take a look at your own list of things you Do, and realize that those are hopefully the things that bring you joy, that are important to you, that are your calling right now.   Resist the temptation to compare yourself to others.  Look in your life for time wasters, and consider if there are things that need to be removed in order to allow time for what you have determined is important for YOU.  Pray and seek God about where you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing, and rest in that. Realize that priorities will change as the Seasons of your Life change.

Be content.