Long Marriages - A Counter-Cultural Legacy

Mark and I will celebrate our 30th Wedding Anniversary this summer. Since I got married on my 22nd birthday, I have spent a significantly larger portion of my life married to this man than not.

I, Beth, take you, Mark, to be my husband, ....

It hasn't always been easy.  Does this surprise anyone out there who is actually married?  The idea of marriage is romantic and wonderful and exciting and fulfilling, and the reality of marriage is that it is those things due to extremely HARD WORK.  But what worthwhile thing is not the result of hard work?  To quote one of my husband's favorite movie lines from "A League of Their Own",

 "It's supposed to be hard. 

If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it.

The hard... is what makes it great. "

...to have and to hold from this day forward,...

 One of the speakers at this year's NCHE Homeschool Conference did two sessions on marriage, and the importance of making this relationship a priority, for both our and our children's sakes!  The speaker, Heidi St. John, shared how her extended family was full of a legacy of divorce -  parents, siblings, cousins. I realized that my family's legacy is very different than that.

... for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,...

My extended family is full of long marriages.  So is Mark's.  My parents have been married for 53 years. Mark's dad passed away almost 10 years ago, still in love with the wife of his youth.  Mark's siblings have all been married for more than 20 years.  My siblings waited longer to get married, but my sister and brother have both been married for over 10 years, and my youngest brother gave up bachelorhood just a year ago and is now happily esconced in wedded life. All of my aunts and uncles have had long marriages to one life-partner, and all but one of my cousins.

I don't think we realize what an amazing thing this is.

...in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,...

The actual statistics related to marriage and divorce rates in this country are murky, but it is undeniable that the statistics are pretty dismal and that broken marriages and families are all around us. Divorce is in the church and in the homeschool community just like everywhere else.  Statistics aren't so murky in pointing out the effects of divorce on children and on communities. We are surrounded by brokenness and bitterness and resentment and loneliness and fatalism.  The institution of marriage is often attacked and berated as society grapples with the fall-out of generations that didn't honor their word or put others first, or more importantly, respect God's Word. 

My prayer is that my children appreciate and embrace this counter-cultural legacy, and realize what a treasure they have there.  It won't make their own marriages any easier, but hopefully will give them a vision for what it means to make a commitment to somebody for the rest of your life. You take the good with the bad, the ups with the downs, and you fight and work for what is worthwhile.  The wedding vows we made were a promise, our word before God and family and friends. And thirty years down the road, they still hold us together.

...from this day forward, until death do us part.

 

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

James 4:1-2

 ¹What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? ²You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.

Philippians 2:1-4

  ¹If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

My very least favorite part of group leadership is dealing with conflict. Things run pretty smoothly most of the time, but every once in a while there are issues between people that just do not resolve themselves. And when those disagreements affect the reputation of our group, or our ability to minister, or are severely damaging relationships,  then it is my job as a leader to get involved and try to help find a resolution. Thankfully, God's Word offers good counsel in this area.  Also, a resource called Peacemaker Ministries gives help through articles and resources that teach and help you apply those conflict resolution principles found in God's Word. The excellent advice found there includes this following Peacemaking and Reconciliation Commitment:
• Whenever we are faced with conflict, our primary goal will be to glorify God with our thoughts, words and actions (1 Cor. 10:31).
• We will try to get the “logs” out of our own eyes before focusing on what others may have done wrong (Matt. 7:3-5).
• We will seek to overlook minor offenses (Prov. 19:11).
• We will refrain from all gossip, backbiting and slander (Eph. 4:29-32). If we have a problem with others, we will talk to them, not about them.
• We will make “charitable judgments” toward one another by believing the best about each other until we have facts that prove otherwise (1 Cor. 13:7).
• If an offense is too serious to overlook, or if we think someone may have something against us, we will go promptly to seek reconciliation (Matt.
5:23-24; 18:15).
• When we offer a word of correction to others, we will do so graciously and
gently, with the goal of serving and restoring them, rather than beating them down (Prov. 12:18; Eph. 4:29; Gal. 6:1).
• When someone tries to correct us, we will ask God to help us resist prideful defensiveness and to welcome correction with humility (Ps. 141:5; Prov. 15:32).
• When others repent, we will ask God to give us grace to forgive them as he has forgiven us (Eph. 4:32).
• When we discuss or negotiate substantive issues, we will look out for others’ interests as well as our own (Phil. 2:3-4).
• When two of us cannot resolve a conflict privately, we will seek the mediation
of wise people in our church or Christian community and listen humbly to their counsel. (Matt. 18:16; Phil. 4:2-3)


Chances are, you'll find this information helpful at some point in your life. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 

Matthew 5:9

The Real Meaning of Peace

There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of Peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But there were only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.

But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest in perfect peace.
 
The king chose the second picture.

Do you know why?

"Because," explained the king, "Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

Author Unknown


Isaiah 55:8-9
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Dog Poop Brownies

While cleaning out my filing cabinet today, I came upon a copy of this story that is one of my children's FAVORITES! So I decided to share it with you, and maybe it will become a family favorite of yours too. :-)

One day a particular father was listening to his children make their case for permission to watch a PG-13 that all their friends were going to see. It featured their favorite actor. Some of their friends from church were going to see it. It was rated PG-13 just because of the suggestion of sex, but they never really showed anything. The language was pretty good, and the Lord's name was only spoken in vain 3 times in the whole movie! The special effects were fantastic, and the plot was action-packed. There was some violence, but just the normal stuff, and it wasn't that bad. The father listened to all this but still his answer was "No". The children were not very happy.

Later in the evening, this same father came into the room where his children were watching TV with a plate of homemade brownies. The children perked up and eyed the dark, chocolatey squares with smiles. That is until their father explained that he had taken their favorite brownie recipe and added a new ingredient - dog poop. He had only added a tiny bit, and the rest of the ingredients were top quality. He had taken great care to measure carefully and bake at just the right temperature to ensure they would be moist and chewy, just the way they liked them. As the children recoiled in disgust, the father acted surprised. He assured them that they probably wouldn't notice the dog poop at all. There was only one little bit in that big bowl of ingredients. He was sure they would taste just fine and not really harm them. Still, the children turned up their noses and refused to even touch the dog poop brownies!

The father then explained that the movie they wanted to see was just like the dog poop brownies. Satan tries to enter our minds and our homes by deceiving us into thinking that just a little bit of evil doesn't matter. Just as with the brownies, only a little dog poop made the difference between something great and something totally unacceptable.

From that point on, whenever those children asked to do or see something that was unacceptable, the father merely asked if they they would like some special brownies, and they didn't ask anymore.

:-)

Schedulizers!

I just joined a new yahoo group! ( I know, I really don't have time for that, but ... too late! ) It is called Schedulizerssupport, and is for those of us who are always searching for the perfect schedule, the best chore chart, an improved system.... we make lists, we create charts and forms, we make wonderful plans - but we have a terrible time sticking to them! Someone announced its creation on the Tapestry of Grace Loose Threads loop, and I immediately recognized myself and joined. In the first 24 hours, the group had over 100 people sign up! I never knew so many people had the same tendency as me! There is some comfort in that I suppose.
Check it out at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/schedulizerssupport We'll be working on accountability and actually implementing some of our great ideas!!!

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