I understood immediately where this mommy was coming from. Exhaustion. Frustration. Isolation. Guilt. So after finishing lunch with my son, I asked him if he would mind watching a couple of 4-year-olds in the play area while I visited with their mom for a few minutes.
We had a nice chat and I shared what I hope was some encouragement with her about relaxing and maybe adjusting some of her expectations. One of her stresses is that has started "homeschool preschool" with them, and... it was a struggle. Although she kept saying things like "I know that academics isn't the most important thing right now" , she was stressed over not knowing if they "measured up" against other kids their age; if they were learning the right skills at the right time. She has friends with kids in preschool or kindergarten at this age, and said that she knows her boys are "behind" in some areas. The boys weren't loving "school time", when she had them sit down to do the workbooks she had purchased, and she was wondering how she was ever going to handle homeschooling them as they grew older. In other words, she was feeling defeated before she had even started!
My mother taught public school kindergarten for over 20 years, before getting a masters degree in computer education and moving up to teach high school for the remainder of her teaching career. Something she used to say was "After the first month or so of school, I can no longer tell the difference between those children who went to preschool and those who didn't. What I can tell, is those whose parents spent time doing things with them and those whose parents did not." She was referring to things like reading stories together, coloring, going on nature walks, playing board games, working in the garden, matching socks while folding the laundry together, learning to use scissors to cut up construction paper into strips for paper chains, singing songs, baking cookies, etc. This was usually in response to a stay-at-home mom who was nervous that she was depriving her child of a good start by not sending him to preschool. My mother's professional opinion was that preschool can fill in for a mom who cannot be in the home with her little ones, but it isn't BETTER than a mom. As a longtime home educator who has homeschooled 4 of my children all the way through high school, I can say the same of school in general. It can do what parents don't have the time or resources to accomplish, but that doesn't necessarily make it BETTER, especially if the parent is ready and willing to take on the role of educator. But I digress. Back to preschool.
In large part because of my mother's influence, the thought of sending my little ones off to preschool never crossed my mind. I was a stay-at-home mom and this was my domain. We had a craft closet that held boxes of crayons and coloring books and stacks of colored paper and safety scissors and glue sticks and yarn and colored pipe cleaners and popsicle sticks and yes... even glitter! From the time my first child was born, I started collecting children's picture books, and also started visiting the public library on a regular basis with my children, and storytime was a daily occurrence, usually before naps as well as before bedtime.
We had a wooden playset in the yard with swings, ladders, a climbing rope, and fort, as well as a sandbox with plastic shovels, buckets, scoops, and toy dump trucks, and in the summer a small plastic pool filled with water and water toys. Balls of all sizes - tennis balls, plastic kickballs, rubber balls, inflatable beach balls - were in a bin in the garage. Bubbles were a staple, as was homemade playdough and face paint. We had a dress-up box filled with superhero capes, wooden swords, a variety of hats, boas, flower wreaths and fairy wands, elbow length gloves, vests, costume jewelry, and assorted Grammy-sewn costumes.
I played a million games of Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders and UNO and Go Fish. I do not have a green thumb - at all - but I did attempt a small garden at one point, which the kids loved. When I went to the grocery store, the kids came along and were my "helpers". We got out when we could, for walks around the neighborhood, to the playground, to storytime at the library or to a friend's house to play. We had a stack of Disney tapes (these were the days of VHS, friends) and those along with PBS shows like "Magic School Bus", "Arthur", "Wishbone", "Sesame Street" ( not my favorite) and "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" (my favorite!) gave me a chance to clean the bathroom, start dinner, or lay down on the couch with my eyes closed for "just a minute". If it sounds like my children spent their days playing... well, that is exactly right!
I never once thought that I needed a curriculum for this. I was just playing with my children, teaching them the ABC song as we sat on the couch together, counting out forks for the dinner table, finding the letter "A" or "S" on street signs, catching bugs, reminding them to say "please" and "thank you" and "excuse me".
You will notice when your child shows readiness for learning more.
"Mommy, what does that word say?"
"How do I write my name?"
"Mommy, how many Cheerios are in my bowl?"
"Daddy, how does that work?"
As a homeschooler, you can respond to your child's readiness instead of following some generic schedule of what to teach when. You can look at lists of preschool or kindergarten skills for ideas, but don't make it a checklist that must be accomplished by a certain date!
Edward Thorndike, a psychologist who spent his career at the Columbia University Teacher's College in New York in the early 1900's studying learning theory, came up with these Laws of Learning.
· Law of readiness. Students learn more easily when they have a desire to learn. (mentally and physically ready) Conversely, students learn with difficulty if they're not interested (not mentally or physically ready)
· Law of effect. Learning will always be much more effective when a feeling of satisfaction, pleasantness, or reward is part of the process.
· Law of relaxation. Students learn best and remember longest when they are relaxed. Reducing stress increases learning and retention.
· Law of association. Learning makes sense (comprehension) when the mind compares a new idea with something already known.
· Law of involvement. Students learn best when they take an active part in what is to be learned.
· Law of exercise. The more often an act is repeated or information reviewed, the more quickly and more permanently it will become a habit or an easily remembered piece of information.
· Law of relevance. Effective learning is relevant to the student's life.
· Law of intensity. A vivid, exciting, enthusiastic, enjoyable learning experience is more likely to be remembered than a boring, unpleasant one.
· Law of challenge. Students learn best when they're challenged with novelty, a variety of materials, and a range of instructional strategies.
· Law of feedback. Effective learning takes place when students receive immediate and specific feedback on their performance.
· Law of recency. Practicing a skill or new concept just before using it will ensure a more effective performance.
· Law of expectations. Learners' reaction to instruction is shaped by their expectations related to the material (How successful will I be?).
· Law of emotions. The emotional state (and involvement) of students will shape how well and how much they learn.
· Law of differences. Students learn in different ways. One size does not fit all!
Reading this list, you can see that introducing traditional academic work too early will result in frustration for both the parent and the child. You can also see how a home environment seems like an ideal place for learning to occur. ( I wonder who planned it that way?)