The 1st Tuesday of November, or of any month, is also our Lighthouse homeschool support group meeting night. Last night we had a great turnout - probably close to 100 people - to hear our guest speakers, Hal & Melanie Young, talk about "Raising Real Men". Hal & Melanie are homeschool parents of 8 children - 6 boys & 2 girls - and have written a book called "Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching, and Appreciating Boys".
Together, often finishing each other's sentences, Hal & Melanie shared wonderful insight into appreciating the qualities that God has seen fit to pour into our male children - ambition, competition, aggressiveness, adventure, boldness. These are traits that we don't want to squelch, as we want to see our young men grow up to be strong, bold, adventurous leaders - of their nation, community, church, and family! Even the most quiet, mild-mannered boy will someday grow up to lead a household - and he should be encouraged to develop the skills and qualities that will enable him to do that with excellence! Now, if misdirected or left unchecked, these traits can lead to some common sins, such as anger, laziness, and lust, and as parents, we need to be diligent to make our boys aware of these pitfalls and to steer them away into more positive, constructive habits.
They talked about boys & heroes. When you look around at the heroes embraced by a majority of young men today, it can make you cringe. Athletes, actors, singers, and other celebrities are typically the object of adulation, and very rarely could they be considered desirable role models! As parents, it is our job to teach our boys about REAL heroes, who exemplify real virtues like courage, honor, integrity, leadership, determination, humility, kindness, and self-control. We also must teach our boys that REAL heroes, real men, make mistakes too. George Washington, Martin Luther, William Carey, William Wilberforce, Abraham Lincoln - these were not perfect men. But they were men of strong, Godly character, courage, and conviction.
It is also vital that fathers understand their role as Hero. A boy will look to his dad as his first hero, and that position carries a huge responsibility!
Hal & Melanie talked about teaching our boys responsibility and leadership bit by bit, first by giving them small tasks, and gradually increasing expectations as they prove faithful in the small things. There is a biblical example to follow here. A practical tip was to give a chore or responsibility to the youngest child capable of doing it - not the oldest, as we are prone to do ( because more training has occurred and that usually means the job gets done faster and better ). We moms need to relinquish some of our desire for efficiency and perfection in order to allow for training and learning - THAT is our purpose, mamas. Our home is a training ground! This is something that I realize I have not done very successfully in my family. My youngest has been let off pretty easy, so some things need to change around here - pronto.
In discussing discord among brothers, the Youngs cautioned against calling something sin thatis not. Wrestling, teasing, poking, jabbing - typical boy activities- are not necessarily sinful, but cross the line when someone is being hurt. If no one is objecting, then it is probably okay to let it go. But if someone is being physically or emotionally hurt, then that has crossed the line. Toy weapons are okay, as our boys are wired to be defenders and to do battle for their families and for God, but weapons shouldn't be aimed at another person. Because "you don't aim unless you intend to shoot, and you don't shoot unless you intend to kill", said Hal. So toy guns and bows & arrows are aimed at targets, or at imaginary bears, robbers, bad guys - always good vs. evil. Again, think in terms of what you are training your boys to be!
Finally, they briefly touched upon purity, and urged parents to not wait too long to engage your sons in discussions about purity and proper attitudes towards young ladies. The "I don't want to introduce those thoughts into his mind" argument is naive at best. Even if you don't have a TV in your house, you'd have to put blindfolds on your sons as you drove down the street or walked through any mall or even grocery store to avoid images of beautiful women selling just about any product a guy might buy. Just about every TV show aimed at kids age 6 or older includes a boy/girl relationship of some kind. This is something that parent must confront head on, teaching what is right and good and true, and also why the attitudes portrayed and embraced by so much of society are damaging and destructive.
I bought Hal & Melanie's book last night and have just started reading it. I encourage you to do the same. The book has gotten great reviews and endorsements. You can find out more at their website, www.raisingrealmen.com
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