Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Letter to Kate Gosselin

Dear Kate,

Don't do it.

Your show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, has been all about the ups and downs of raising a big family. You have put your lives as parents and as spouses in public view, and we have laughed, cried, sighed, winced, smiled and sometimes shaken our heads in disbelief. But we admired you and Jon for the effort and struggle and devotion put into raising your 8 young children.

Less than a year ago you spoke these words at your beautiful vow renewal ceremony. "Our first wedding was for us. This time it is also for us but mostly to publicly promise our children that we will always be together, complete as a family always." Jon spoke these words: "I am the happiest father and husband knowing that you are by my side always. I will always be your partner for life."

And this week you sat on the interview couch and told us that your marriage was over, and that this wasn't the show's fault, but would probably have happened no matter what. I don't believe that for a second. What has been obvious to the public and apparently to those closest to you who love you and your kids, is that the realities of living your life on television, for all to see and scrutinize, have put a tremendous strain on your family and on your marriage. Did the percs became too important, the "good life" for your kids more important than an intact family? What about that promise you made?

Marriage is hard work. Period. All couples go through hard times, times when they don't like one another very much, when communication breaks down, when the struggle of each day threatens to overwhelm us. But you had something that could have gotten you through all that. You had God.
I think you have listened to the wrong voices.

On your show the other night, I heard you say things like "this is for the best", you "have to do what it takes", and you were "starting a new chapter". I also saw your chin tremble and your eyes fill with tears and your voice whisper, "I don't want to be alone. I don't want to do this by myself." You know what it sounded like to me? It sounded like you were repeating things being told to you by those immersed in our society's culture of "Me First". It sounded to me like you didn't really believe what you were saying, but were resigning yourself to something inevitable, because you have believed the lie that marriages just don't last. How can two people with two very different personalities and two different visions for what their family needs stay together?
They stay together by sheer force of will. Commitment. Sacrifice of personal rights and wants. A decision to never, never, NEVER let the needs of one become more important than the needs of two.

Your kids don't come first. God comes first. Then your husband comes second. Then out of the wholeness of your marriage relationship, your children's needs are met. Then comes everything else.

I won't be watching your show any more. What's the point? To see how to "do divorce"? No thanks. I will pray for the restoration and reparation of what has been damaged. That's what the world really needs to see. If there is a TV special showing a 2nd vow renewal, with you and your husband back together as a family because God has restored your love and commitment to one another, now that I might watch.

1 comment:

Becky said...

I wish you could somehow get this to her. She needs encouragement and prayer for both she and her husband. Didn't she have a book at Lifeway? I thought someone had told me she wrote a book about the raising of the children...I am not sure. I am going to join your prayer campaign for the Gosselin family. What an amazing testimony it would be to see that filmed for tv! Take care friend, hope you are feeling better.