Our Last First Day of School

Reality is setting in, as we embark on my youngest child's senior year of high school.  As much as I said I wouldn't do this, I am marking the "lasts".   Monday was the last first day of school for our homeschool, Cornerstone Academy.  My husband was the one who said it to my face, as I frantically stuck my fingers in my ears, chanting "La la la la la!  I can't hear you!"

"I don't want to make you sad, but do you realize that this is our last "first day of school" ever?"

Oh honey.  Do I realize?  I've been doing nothing but realizing... I've been shoving those realizations down and trying to stuff them back into the box of denial for at least a year.  I've been gazing at my 6'2" baby and blinking back tears.  I've been swallowing around a bowling ball lodged in my throat while sitting in an empty house all summer while he and his sister have worked overnight summer camp, because I know this will be my new normal all too soon.  I have helped my second youngest move into her first post-college apartment, smiling as my insides crumble, because her bed and wall decorations and clothes and stuff are gone from her bedroom now.  The girls' room isn't the girls' room any more - although it will forever be the girls' room.  I have nearly broken down in the grocery store, realizing that a gallon of milk is too much to buy, and reaching for the 1/2 gallon instead. I feel like a crazy person.
Oh honey.  I realize.

I belong to the "school starts after Labor Day" crowd, but the local community college does not. So Jason started his 3 community college classes this week, and I'm still pulling together my plans for his other classes, that will start when they are supposed to start - after Labor Day.  He is taking Writing, Statistics and Spanish at the C.C., so this week he was up and out of the house by 8:30am every morning. This is a big adjustment for the boy who likes to sleep until 11:00am!  I only had to rouse him one of those mornings, when he apparently slept through his alarm.  Not too bad.
I have helped him figure out the online aspect of his classes, which use Moodle and MyStatLab and  Composition Connection for submitting homework, class announcements, etc.  Such a different world from even when my  oldest started college!  I've stroooongly suggested that he use an actual, hold-it-in-your-hand, paper weekly planner to mark down all his homework deadlines, quiz and test dates, project deadlines, etc., since he is a person who NEEDS visual reminders.  I think I'm going to have to go out and buy that planner today and put it into his hands and sit down with him as he fills it in.   He may be turning 18 tomorrow and nearly a grown up and about to fly the coop, but I still have a job to do, and that is to help him gather the tools to be successful when he DOES leave home.  Yes, I still have this job... for a few more months.

 

 

 

It's a whole new world. There is a lot of "letting go" happening around here.  I can see that this is a process and am grateful that the Lord has given me friends and a homeschool community to walk through this with.  Several moms in our homeschool support group have formed an "Empty Nest Survival" group on Facebook, to give us a place  to commiserate and support one another, knowing we are all going through something similar.  My husband is being supportive, he really is, but I can tell he is a bit bewildered by the intensity of my emotions.  He doesn't quite know what to do when I say, "I am NOT okay right now!"   My girlfriends know that I need chocolate and a bottle of wine and a chance to talk it out and possibly even a good cry.

I know God will be revealing the next thing for me, as this year goes on. But I will still be marking the "lasts" and grieving a season of motherhood that is ending, while looking forward to new good things ahead.


*** this post as well as others are linked at  Weekly Wrap Ups at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers